Age parties

I wonder quite a lot about Christmas and why and what. It's like my thoughts about my birthday. I never celebrate it, because I think it's rubbish. I feel the reactions from others whenever I say that I have no intentions to celebrate my 50-year anniversiry. Everybody thinks I'm insane. But why is that? Can't I just throw a party some other time and say I'm having a party because I'm happy?

- Why do YOU celebrate YOUR birthday? - For the gifts, or because you feel you are important and think that everybody else feels the same?

If I only feel important 1 day a year, what is there to believe in? - That's 364 days a year being un-important. That's ultimatelly sad.

Another thing is that I don't think it's so damn nice to add another year to my age, when the number of years never match my actual age - the age I am inside my head. - Next time it'll be 46. But it isn't consistent with how I am. - A 46 year old woman is to run around and bake and cook and go to tea parties with her friends (according to conventions!). But I don't do any of this. And besides, I don't have any friends. - I don't dress as a 46 year old either. I don't speak as a 46 year old. I don't listen to 46 year old music. I experience myself as young, but I'm being treated like a middelaged bag. It's ultimate depression. That doesn't work for me. So why constantly remind myself?

1 comment:

Christopher Raun Leth said...

I have a hard time picturing you as a middleaged hag, baking biscuits and talking about the princess's latest robe. Age is not a question of years, but of perception of oneself.